Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Raymond Tan an undergraduate from Singapore Institute
of Technology, Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services). I am
attending SIE2016 Effective Communication class T3.
Growing up, I have always enjoy constructing figures and preferred
hands on task which probably the reason that motivated me into pursuing a
career in engineering. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a Diploma in
Microelectronics. It became clear to me during my final year in TP that my
interest in Engineering was increasing. My team and I constructed a Portable
Hydrogen Fuel Cell to run DC appliances, that led me the envision the possibility
of setting up solar panels and wind turbines on the roof of HDB housing estates.
I would say my strength is being an active listener with an open mind.
I enjoy listening to other’s opinion on things and see what I am able to learn
from them. My weakness is not being able to do any type of public speaking. I
personally feel the lack of confidence and the soft-spoken nature of my voice
also contributes to this. Another weakness of mine would be writing, I don’t read
very much which contributes to my limited vocabulary and poor grammar.
What I would love to take away from this module, is to be able to
present myself confidently to a group of audiences and overcome the fear of
public speaking. Also, to improve in my writing and further prepare myself for
the workforce.
Best regards,
Raymond Tan
Revised on 5/10/2020
Read article of : Joshua, Shi Min, Jin Han and Herman
Thank you, Raymond. I'll give detailed feedback after some of your peers have commented.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Raymond,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the interesting read, I am amazed that you built a hydrogen fuel cell capable of powering DC appliances as I had thought of the same idea when I was studying in polytechnic but was not able to finish the project. You struck me as a respectful individual when we first met, with the way you spoke and your body language.
I really liked the content of your letter as you showed great desire in self-improvement, and this is definitely the right module for you to refine and learn the necessary building blocks to strive for a better version of yourself.
However, some notable errors include the tenses and word choices in your paragraphs as they are not consistent. For example, "Writing is also not one of my forte which i came across(encountered?) during my final year report writings."
I look forward to us helping each other mutually in future! Learn, Unlearn, Relearn!
Sincerely,
Herman
Dear Herman,
DeleteThanks for the pointers made about my letter. I'll try and amend.
Best regards,
Raymond
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI look forward to working with you in the further.
May I also know how do I address you?
Regards,
Raymond
Hi Raymond
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing more about yourself. I love your content and it is nice to hear how your interest in engineering kickstart and bring you thus far to further studies in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering.
Overall, I love the reflection as it is short and sweet. Apart from that, I look forward to working closely with you to improve our flaws and being able to present ourselves confidently in front of others.
Yours sincerely
Joshua
Dear Joshua,
DeleteThank you for taking your time off to read through my letter. Appreciate your reply and feedback.
Once again, I look forward to working with you in the future.
Best regards,
Raymond
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Ray,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly detailed letter. You address the key requirements of the assignment and add concrete examples. I welcome you sharing your experience and value your hinest reflection.
You've also received useful feedback from your peers. Be sure to acknowledge your peers' input.
In terms of language use, there are quite a few issues that we can work on. Please consider these points:
1. phrasing/word use
-- This is a letter of introduction of myself. > (misuse of the reflexive pronoun)
see https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/grammar/pronouns/reflexive_pronouns.html
-- Ever since young, I would love to construct and prefer hands on task which probably has motivated me into pursuing an engineering career. > 'construct' needs to be followed by an object, for example, to construct a train, construct a building
-- it is not always easy to step up and commute to a group of audiences. > commute?
-- the projection of my voice and confident > (word form) the projection of my voice and **confidence**
2. verb use
-- Ever since young, I would love to construct and prefer hands on task ... > (verb use inconsistency)
I have loved to construct things and prefered to do hands on task
-- my strengths in communication is... > (subject verb disagreement)
3. sentence structure
-- Graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a Diploma in Microelectronics has further my interests as well as the completion of my final year project during my final year in Polytechnic, where my team and I constructed a Portable Hydrogen Fuel Cell to run DC appliances. In which has given me the envision of setting up solar panels and wind turbines on the roof of our housing estate. > (poorly developed sentence)
see https://www.englishclub.com/grammar/sentence/sentence-structure.htm
-- I would say my strengths in communication is being a respectful active listener towards the speaker, it is not always easy to step up and commute to a group of audiences. > (comma splice) ?
-- Therefore, I would always give the speaker my fullest attention apart from that I lack the projection of my voice and confident when commuting with others at times especially in large groups. > (lack of logic in this sentence)
-- Also, to improve in my writing and further develop myself in communication in the work force. > (fragment). ?
Let's work on this.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking your time off to read through my article. I've considered your inputs and will work on it.
Best regards,
Raymond